Saturday, December 11, 2010

11 Things

Prompt: What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. perfectionism
It stops me from trying often as I am worried that it won't be perfect so why try it then. And that isn't an option. Trying is much better. When I do try, I find myself often at least happy that I tried even if it ultimately didn't turn out the way I envisioned. It helps me also gain knowledge on how to take steps to keep improving. Perfectionism feeds negative self-talk.

2. self-doubt about art
Just create. Again it is linked with the above because if I can't do it exactly how I envision then the self-doubts start creeping in and I then don't pick up paint brush, scissors, collage items and so on for months.

3. mindlessness
I want to be more present in the moment. Multi-tasking often makes me lose track of time. And I want to be present and alert in the moment.

4. processed food and refined sugars
Food and issues surrounding weight are such a hard spot for me to conquer. I know just eliminating those things will help me be so much more healthy even if not losing weight. I am not even putting losing weight on the list as it just sets me up for more negativity.

5. stuff I don't need or use
We have a storage unit that we are going through at the end of this month and I want that process of going through it to start me going through all my other stuff and purging.

6. negative thoughts on age and where my life is at
This is a big issue for me right now. My life is not where I thought it would be at 43. And I keep hanging on to that instead of trying to make my life look like I want it to - at least in the ways that are possible.

7. let go of the unrealistic
I put this one after number 6 because I think sometimes my dreams exceed the possible. And I am one of those that totally thinks anything is possible if you set your mind to it. But there comes a time when some dreams need to be let go of because they aren't possible or healthy. Such as the vision of my life is impacted by my love. And I wouldn't change that but there are some of his life goals and dreams that effect my life and my dreams. And so if it is choosing between a dream and him - I choose him.

8. guilt
I carry lots of guilt around daily. Guilt for living so far from my family. Guilt for not doing enough or giving enough. Guilt for not doing everything a "normal" person should be able too do.

9. the notion of normal
I do a lot of the comparing myself to what I think is normal. And I know that question of what is normal? I agree logically - there is no normal. But emotionally often I don't believe it. I do comparisons and think "Hey look at all that person is doing and accomplishing....should I be doing that?" And then I do the "I must not be normal." Really I think the normal roots from my migraines. I look at everything everyone else can do and then I know what I can do when I have so many migraines and it eats up my life.

10. not expressing feelings
I keep a lot bottled up. I am hoping for 2011 I am more expressive of what I am feeling. I feel I had a good start to this in 2010 though.

11. procrastination coupled with avoidance
I am BIG procrastinator and I often procrastinate to avoid something. Like in my art, I say I am going to go work on something but I just procrastinate because I am avoiding the doubts that come with sitting down and creating. If I think about it, I should do it now. I should do it because I know when I do I will get past it.

How I will get rid of these will just be a work in progress. I hope that I just keep my mind focused on it. And I feel that eliminating these things will free me to be.

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