Monday, July 30, 2007

The Mermaid Chair

I went to bed at 2am. I woke up at 3:46 and it took a while to get to sleep. At 6:12 I woke up because I heard Michael - he was cleaning up a kitty cat accident. So I got up to gather trash as it was trash day. I laid back down around 6:30 but wasn't able to get to sleep. Mind just racing. So I got up at 7:19. We had breakfast and watched a West Wing before heading back to bed.

I was so scared I wasn't going to get to sleep. If I hadn't ended where I did in the book I am reading, I don't think I would have....I am reading The Mermaid Chair and she was describing 2 Chagall paintings (I have always liked his art). So I drifted away to one of the paintings and ended up dreaming about it...

Lovers in the Red Sky - the one I dreamed about

And then the other painting she talked about in the book...
La baie des Anges

So as I said I am reading The Mermaid Chair. I am half way through and I have had tears 5 times I think. When I went into the doctors office this afternoon, I had it in my hand and the nurse told me she had heard good things about it and asked what it was about and how I liked it. I told her that I felt it was about a woman going through her mid-life crisis. She said she could relate then - I said, "ME TOO" - which is why I am tearing up so much in the book. Things she talks about are hitting a little close to home for me. Not that I am having an affair - so anyone who has read the book please know that isn't what is hitting close to home. It is just some of her feelings of herself that are hitting close to home for me.

hmmm what else...Not sure what I am going to make for dinner tonight. I have ground turkey thawing but nothing sounds good to me. I might end up doing sloppy joe skillet. It is easy and will be good with a nice salad.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Friday Gratitude

Night - I am a night owl. I love the night sky. I love the energy that comes with the night for me. I don't think I could live very happily in dark environment. I do need sun. I just enjoy the night a little more.
Novels - I have been on a fiction kick lately and read many novels. I love the stories. I love that they slow down my brain and let me escape into the story for a little bit of time.
Naps - They are so nice! I especially like having naps with Michael. Snuggling up to him and just feel the warmth of his skin next to me. So comforting. So safe.
Noise - Although I love silence....just sitting in the quiet late night hours or early morning...I also like noise. When I am doing art work, cleaning and such I need or music. And I enjoy that sound while being busy. Makes me feel not so alone - like I have company while doing those things.
Nature - Although nature really doesn't like me....I do like it. The trees, the leaves changing....the flowers blooming in the spring. The beautiful mountains of Colorado. The desert earth...tumbleweeds and just the vast open space of it. (Nature doesn't like me as I have lots of allergies that come from nature.)
Nose - to smell things with! Dinner simmering on the stove top, cookies coming out of the oven, a rose, fragrant wine, clean sheets on the bed, freshly mowed grass, cinnamon rolls out of the oven, vinegar - being a clean smell for me - because my Mom (and now I do too) clean with it, freshly popped popcorn that my Dad was making into popcorn balls as he loves many good smells I am very thankful I have nose to smell them with!
Now - I try very hard to be aware of the present. To live in the now. So now is a pretty important word for me. And I am thankful for all the now gives me.
Next - And from the last word comes the this I am thankful what comes next. Although I live in the now, I enjoy the next. I think of with this word something from West Wing..."what's next?" In that context it was okay we have resolved this...what's next. Let's keep going forward. And so although I live in the now I do want to keeping going forward - to the next.
Notes - Notes..I make notes and lists. But I also like the little notes that I leave Michael to make him smile. Just recently he found one that I had really really buried in one of his equipment bags. He had to go out of town on a work assignment and I couldn't go with him so I did a ton of little notes all through out every bag he brought with him. The one he found had 2 little kitties that I colored and a princess tiara and then said the kitty cats and I miss you! I like leaving those little notes to make Michael smile. So I am thankful for notes that I make and leave.
Nourishment - I am thankful for the various forms of nourishment I get not only in food but connection with others, learning new things, creating art, meditating, exploring and all the other various forms of nourishment that come into my life and feed me.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Cleaning Day

  • Although I have been kind of down today I did get a lot accomplished. Made pancakes for breakfast, then cleaned, made bread, did a little work, and now I am going to go prep dinner. Michael requested mac-n-cheese. So I am making the a meal of comfort. Meatloaf, mac-n-cheese, mixed veggies and bread.

  • Tomorrow I need to clean bathrooms and wash the kitchen floor. I also want to start in on my studio. It is MESS! My studio is the room that I bring things when I don't know what I am going to do with you have a place like that? Anyway because Michael and I were so busy before we left on vacation that stack of STUFF got very big. It seems like gremlins where I must have shined bright light on it, gave it water, fed it after midnight because the STUFF seemed to multiple and taken over my room.

  • OMG isn't this a cute summer cake! Mandy LOOK at it! I can totally see you making it! You have such a way with decorating cakes!

  • From today's Daily Om...
    "Resistance tends to strengthen the energies it attempts to oppose by giving them power and energy to work against. Additionally, resistance keeps us from learning more about what we resist. In order to fully understand something, we must open to it enough to receive its energy; otherwise, we remain ignorant of its lessons. There is a Tibetan story of a monk who retreats to meditate in a cave only to be plagued by demons. He tries everything—chasing, fighting, hiding—to get the demons out of his cave, but the thing that finally works is surrender. He simply lets them have their way with him and only then do they disappear."
  • Sunday, July 22, 2007


    I have been suffering from migraines for the last 4 days...or is it 3? I am losing track of time because the days are bleeding into each other. This afternoon/evening we got hit hard with a storm. It went on for hours and hours. We had thunder and lightning so we turned computers off and didn't want to run the tv/stereo during it as we had the power go out and we had some very big booms near us. So I did some mail love while we still had some light. We have a few family birthday and anniversaries coming up this week. Michael bought me this little box thing a while back and so after getting the mail love ready I organized the little box with the cards and labeling each pocket. I will probably take a picture of it as it just thrills me - it is cute and it hits all my organization buttons. (even though looking at the house right now you would not get that I like organization but I am also having problems finding places for things right now so I am frustrated and overwhelmed with it all.)

    After that we decided to watch West Wing on Michael's laptop. It is the episode where Charlie knocks on the Presidents door and says, "You know how you said not to wake you unless there was a fire...." Sam and Josh had started a fire in non-functional fireplace. We also had dinner during the storm as it finished baking just as storm started. I made enchildas. They turned out so just so nice. I should have taken a picture of them right out of the oven. They looked so good. And they tasted really good too although they were more spicy then normal even though I made them exactly the same as always.

    I started a project I am doing for Michael. Right now he has a really heavy project list and there isn't a lot on it that I can help with but there is a big scanning project so I am doing that. Which made me think about Michael's parents gave me a ton of old pictures and documents a while back and I should scan them while I have the scanner in here so I have back up copies of all the real photos. As some of them are so great that I can see wanting to use a few times.

    I stumbled a lot this weekend too - it is brainless so nice while suffering from migraines.

    So sharing a few links again...
    World Hearth Recipe Collection
    Random Kitten Generator
    Kitchen Tips
    From Prints to Journal
    The Cool Hunter - Architecture
    Ray Caesar Art
    Burned from Wal-Mart Flip Flops
    Make a Fluffy Turtle
    How to make Roses from Maple Leaves
    A Collection of Flickr Photos

    Friday, July 20, 2007

    Friday Gratitude

    I haven't done a gratitude list using a letter in a while so going to use the letter M tonight...

    Michael - There will never be enough words or even the right words to express my gratitude for Michael. I am grateful that I found someone with so many wonderful qualities - funny, smart, handsome, sexy, generous, kind, talented, creative and much much more. I am grateful for the journey we share together. Thank you! I love you Michael!
    Moni - I am grateful to my good friend Moni. I miss her so much. She always gave me support during hard time and to the ear to just hash things out. You are a good friend and I love you!
    meditation - I am grateful for the time and practice of medication - it makes me feel better - more centered.
    Michael Parkes - I really enjoy his art and grateful that he shares his talent through his beautiful, mysterious work.
    mixed media art - I grateful for all the mix media works that inspire me to push myself as an artist.
    music - It really is like the next is a memory. I am grateful for the words, the sound that make memories or create an emotion in the moment that will be thought of and felt forever.
    memories - I am grateful to all the wonderful memories I have...from those that are still here and for those that aren't...I do cherish them.
    movies - grateful to the hours and hours of entertainment movies provide. And tomorrow night I will be watching Casino Royale and drooling!
    mulled cider - I love mulled cider. It is not the season for it but in the fall it is a wonderful taste and aroma.
    Mom - I am grateful to my Mom. She is a great Mom....gave me wonderful special times and supported me through all my life...good and bad times.

    Tuesday, July 17, 2007

    a box from my past

    When at my parents, I picked up a box that my ex-husband sent to them years ago when he sold our house. It has been so very weird going through it. I am thankful for him sending it. The box has Grandmother Remember books that I gave both of my grandmother's. There were a ton of old letters and cards from when I was a little girl and teenager sent from friends. When I moved from North Dakota to Nebraska, I had forgotten the letters I did with my friends in North Dakota. Then there are a few letters where the name sounds familiar but I can't place a face at all or figure out how or why I know this person. But I have lots of letters from her. One thing I had been thinking about recently when we went through Omaha was a friend I had lost touch with long long ago. Anyway her married name was very long and difficult for me to spell so I could never remember it correctly to track her down but in the box there was her wedding invitation, announcement from the paper, program for her wedding and other little memorabilia several with her last name on it. So I did a search today and found an address so I am going to write her tomorrow.

    Sunday, July 15, 2007

    Trip of Days

    Well I was trying to be very careful when writing in May and June because I was so scared I was going to ruin the surprise. My sister's and I threw my parents a surprise 40th anniversary party July 7th.

    But we are home now. We came home to a house that was 98 degrees though so we are sweating just a little bit! The air is on high and fans going - but I am fearing the bedroom will not be cooled down by the time we are ready for bed. Ouch!

    So just a little summary of our trip....

    July 1st - Left for Denver.

    July 2nd - we had breakfast with a friend. Michael has know this friend online for 8 years and she was passing through Colorado so we grabbed the change to meet her. She was a total sweetheart.

    July 3 - Michael had some meetings and work in Denver.
    July 4th - we were on the road to Omaha. We had a nice time in Omaha. We drove past the house I grew up in. I kept saying all the trees are so big every where we went. We had Godfather's pizza for dinner - which is one of Michael's favorite pizza places and we don't have them in Colorado.

    July 5th - arrived at my Aunt's in Minnesota. She made dinner for us and my sisters too. We were getting together to make plans and see what was left on our to-do list for the party. Michael and I spent Friday with April picking up the last of the things we needed for the party.

    July 7th - the party! It was great! My parents were very surprised! My Mom just stood in the doorway crying for a while trying to take it all in. The words will describe the reaction.....I don't think think there was a dry eye in the place men and women....were teary or choked up by the emotions from it.

    The next few days we spent with my parents. It was GREAT seeing them! We had a really nice time with them.

    Left on Tuesday - July 10th. We stayed the night in Omaha again and we went to dinner at the place I worked all through high school. It has really good Italian food. On Wednesday morning we had breakfast with a couple that I am very close to. We hadn't seen them since Michael and I moved all my stuff here in 2003. We saw them on our way to Ohio. It was really good to see them.

    Arrived in Denver on Wednesday and then spent that with Michael's parents. We had a good time with them. And we also had a chance to get together with Michael's brothers family so that was very nice to get that chance to see them!

    Well that was the trip....we had a really good time but as always - are glad to be home. Even though we are jumping back in to the busy. Michael made a project list and it was pretty long. And those are just were the immediate projects not the long term ones.

    I wanted to take a moment to also thank Michael for making this trip possible in so many ways. When I was worrying we wouldn't be able to afford it - he made it possible. When I was worrying about the the planning, he was there to tell me it would work out. He made an AMAZING video that really captured my parents. And everyone kept saying that over and over again at that party. Us girls wouldn't have been able to express the things we wanted to without his direction, talent in editing and putting the story together. He also is just so kind and generous. Thank you Michael Thank you Thank you! I love you!

    (photos - all from the party - cake obviously is the top one, next is a beautiful center piece for a table, and last one was the food)

    Sunday, July 01, 2007

    Almost Ready

    I have a few more things to do this morning before we leave later this afternoon. I feel like I am forgetting things of course -- and that is driving me nuts!

    Last night I ironed and ironed and ironed! And I am still not done with all the ironing. While ironing and folding clothes last night -- I must confess I watched a guilty pleasure movie. One that when I said I wanted to watch Michael looked at me like...."where did Darby go." The movie: Urban Cowboy. I can't stand country music yet I love all the music in that movie. I don't even know why I like the movie in general. So I watched it and sang with the music as I ironed. I also watched 2 episodes of Hex. I must have missed at least 1 or 2 episodes so thought I wouldn't get it enough to get hooked into it but I did...sucked into right away. Thelma and Maya - yay! I am so glad Themla has someone. And they make such a cute couple! Just so perfect for each other.

    Michael and I had a few errands to run yesterday. I have been on the search for a pair of shoes to wear with the outfit he bought me several months ago. But I hadn't much luck. Yesterday we went to Target and I picked up a pair of shoes that actually I kind of cringed at when I looked at them up but knew they would look good because of the color of my blouse. They were kind of a bronze thong sandal. But really metallic not my thing - at least not since I was in high school. But I tried them on...OMG the comfort! Unfortunately they weren't my size too big (they were in the wrong box when I picked them up thinking they were my size.) So Michael suggested 2 other places to check, but now of course I was hooked on those so we are going to go to Target in Denver to see if I can find them. I hope I find them...they really were so comfortable.

    Well I suppose I should go finish packing.