Where did Michael Go?

Very good question.

My last entry was back in March and ... well ... I haven't been very good at blogging, have I.....

Well - I don't think I have a lot of excuses to offer. I don't email people as often as I once did. Things have been busy and well, things haven't exactly gone very well. In fact, Darby noticed a change in me since January and the only thing I can say is that there's been a cloud, a heavy cloud for quite some time.

Physically - I can actually feel it hanging above my eyes ... it's a pressure that feels like a heavy blanket weighing down on my head, my mind, my eyes....

It has been a depression that just hasn't really let go. It's been building and building -- without much of a reprieve or opportunity to adjust the slope and climb out of the ruts I've found myself in. The latest rut has been very difficult that has been settling in this summer.

I've been pretty good at managing depressions for a long time - but there are times when it just starts to rise faster than I'm doggy paddling. That's how it has felt all year - and admitting that much has helped me realize that it's okay to go through it. The influx of work has helped - as it has been one of the major stressors with the downturn of the economy. Having stable jobs has been difficult to maintain - as everyone is hurting.

So that's where I've been.

I'm feeling better than I have been - but I'm still feeling the cloud hanging around. I fully recognize that depressions generally don't evaporate like a fog - as it takes a lot of work to eventually have them dissipate. I'm coming out of my shell a bit more and that's a good thing. Shells are good for self-repair, but hardly ideal for any significant living quarters.