Thoughts Become Things

This came with the prompt for December 25th REVERB. The person speaking does Notes from the Universe. I have pasted a few in this blog. I get them daily and enjoy them. And I am very thankful for them because they often tell me just what I need to hear.

Everything's OK

Prompt: What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

I love this prompt. I love the link that was given in the post for the prompt. It has had me thinking since I opened it after midnight on the 24th. It did make me think - yes everything is going to be okay.

And more than okay. For the first time in a long time I feel like everything will be okay. The proof is the feeling inside more then anything else. I think things can look perfect on the outside often when things are crashing on the inside. So only on the inside can we know it is going to be okay. And tonight I figured out that it is going to be okay. That 2011 is going to be more then okay.

I am going to use some of those tools in Gwen Bell's post on How to Create a Personal Manifesto. The vision map is very appealing to me. And I am even thinking of it digitally this time. I think by creating it - it will help me keep it incorporated into my year ahead - that things are alright and I can create my own reality.

3 Days of Reverb

Prompt: Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

To try. I mean that is simple isn't it? Trying is a step towards succeeding.


Prompt: How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

I traveled home several times in 2010. And then to Iowa for my sister's wedding and then to North Carolina to see my friend Jessica. I would love to see Jessica again in 2011. I would love for Michael and I to go away to Santa Fe or another long weekend somewhere. And I want to see my niece and be able to hold her and give her kisses and hugs.

Prompt: Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

I love my name and wouldn't ever want it to be anything else. I don't want to be anyone else either so it just can't think of a name that I would choose. I am me - good bad and ugly. I have flaws. I have made a lot of mistakes. I have had a life that really is hard to imagine. But it is mine and I own it. I am 43 and if I want anything other then I have now I need work for it.

Beyond Avoidance

Prompt: What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

There are things that are always on my to-do list that I never seem to get around too and I hope to in 2011. But I can say without a doubt 2010 wasn't the year for them. There were things I needed to do in 2010 and did. But usually avoidance is my friend. And I am very good at it - and I hope that in 2011 I lose that friend.

Healing

Prompt: What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

I am still going through healing. But I know some amazing people in my life helping with the healing. Michael, friends, my doctor, my therapist, family and sometimes random strangers all help me heal. I just want to keep focusing on working on me - getting me to the place I want to be. And I know that all those people are there to help and support me. I am very blessed.

Lessoned Learned + Try

Prompt: What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

That I can express myself in a clear way that isn't attacking or passive/aggressive. I knew this before but often didn't apply it. I just didn't express the feelings or I did a jab because whatever was said to me made uncomfortable and it was easier to jab back. I hope to just keep in mind the skills to used to express myself through 2011.


Prompt: What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

Do I have enough paper to describe this? (start these REVERB's usually offline) It just feels like I have put my life on hold for so long...waiting to live it. Pushing parts of myself down because I didn't know how to express those parts. I just want to try this year. I want to try things that come to mind. I don't want to put it off. I want to try to express myself in what ways feel natural.

Friendship

Prompt: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

Jessica without question changed my view of the world and impacted my life greatly this year. I am incredibly thankful for all she did to make it possible for us to spend time together. She gave me an artful, peaceful, expressive place to be - especially during such a hard time in my life. She helped ground me and gave me strength to carry on through this year. Jessica has changed my life since the moment we met 4 years ago so it has been gradual but staying with her was a burst of positive energy. I love her and am so blessed to have her as my friend.

Action, Appreciate and 5 Minutes

Catching up on a few prompts as it has been a busy week. This is always one of my busiest weeks of the year.

Prompt: When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

It is about making them happen, but I right now it is about making my thoughts and feelings align more so that I can stop all the doubts and negative self talk. I am doing quite a lot of journaling. I am doing more art. I do have actions that are making aspirations come to life.



Prompt: What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I always have appreciated Michael but this past year he has been my rock in a whole new way. He has supported me and helped me go through my grieving process. And I thank him often.



Prompt: Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Hugging my Uncle, visiting Jessica, being at my sister's wedding and her wedding reception, being able to go to burial of my Uncle's ashes, lots of phone calls with my girlfriends from around the country - laughing with Kaylee, crying with Jeni and being completely open with Jessica, slumber party with my Grandma, going to Eat, Pray, Love with my Mom, sister, two of my Aunts and my cousin, trying new foods and love letters from Michael

Body Integration

Prompt: This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

No and no. A lot of body issues and often I do think that makes me do many of the things on that list of 11 things from yesterday. I know that I hide because of my body issues. Body issues is one thing I have on my list to work on for 2011 but I know it will be an ongoing struggle and issue that I deal with most likely for the rest of my life.

11 Things

Prompt: What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?


1. perfectionism
It stops me from trying often as I am worried that it won't be perfect so why try it then. And that isn't an option. Trying is much better. When I do try, I find myself often at least happy that I tried even if it ultimately didn't turn out the way I envisioned. It helps me also gain knowledge on how to take steps to keep improving. Perfectionism feeds negative self-talk.

2. self-doubt about art
Just create. Again it is linked with the above because if I can't do it exactly how I envision then the self-doubts start creeping in and I then don't pick up paint brush, scissors, collage items and so on for months.

3. mindlessness
I want to be more present in the moment. Multi-tasking often makes me lose track of time. And I want to be present and alert in the moment.

4. processed food and refined sugars
Food and issues surrounding weight are such a hard spot for me to conquer. I know just eliminating those things will help me be so much more healthy even if not losing weight. I am not even putting losing weight on the list as it just sets me up for more negativity.

5. stuff I don't need or use
We have a storage unit that we are going through at the end of this month and I want that process of going through it to start me going through all my other stuff and purging.

6. negative thoughts on age and where my life is at
This is a big issue for me right now. My life is not where I thought it would be at 43. And I keep hanging on to that instead of trying to make my life look like I want it to - at least in the ways that are possible.

7. let go of the unrealistic
I put this one after number 6 because I think sometimes my dreams exceed the possible. And I am one of those that totally thinks anything is possible if you set your mind to it. But there comes a time when some dreams need to be let go of because they aren't possible or healthy. Such as the vision of my life is impacted by my love. And I wouldn't change that but there are some of his life goals and dreams that effect my life and my dreams. And so if it is choosing between a dream and him - I choose him.

8. guilt
I carry lots of guilt around daily. Guilt for living so far from my family. Guilt for not doing enough or giving enough. Guilt for not doing everything a "normal" person should be able too do.

9. the notion of normal
I do a lot of the comparing myself to what I think is normal. And I know that question of what is normal? I agree logically - there is no normal. But emotionally often I don't believe it. I do comparisons and think "Hey look at all that person is doing and accomplishing....should I be doing that?" And then I do the "I must not be normal." Really I think the normal roots from my migraines. I look at everything everyone else can do and then I know what I can do when I have so many migraines and it eats up my time....my life.

10. not expressing feelings
I keep a lot bottled up. I am hoping for 2011 I am more expressive of what I am feeling. I feel I had a good start to this in 2010 though.

11. procrastination coupled with avoidance
I am BIG procrastinator and I often procrastinate to avoid something. Like in my art, I say I am going to go work on something but I just procrastinate because I am avoiding the doubts that come with sitting down and creating. If I think about it, I should do it now. I should do it because I know when I do I will get past it.

How I will get rid of these things....it will just be a work in progress. I hope that I just keep my mind focused on it. And I feel that eliminating these things will free me to be.

Wisdom

Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

To go to Minnesota when I did so that I could tell my Uncle I love him and give and receive a hug from him before he died.

Another wise decision for me this year was to go into therapy. With the grief and all the other problems of this year - I really needed that support. It was a hard decision and hard to just do in general but it was a wise decision. It has helped me so much.

Party

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

I can certainly say that my sister's wedding and her wedding reception at my parents were the parties of my year. I am very grateful that I was able to attend both. We really didn't think we could afford to go to her wedding. And in the end it hit the budget but it was so worth it - to see her get married. My sister looked beautiful. Her dress was almost Marilyn Monroe-like. And my Mom did her flowers and they were beautiful bright orange and yellow.

At my sister and brother-in-law's wedding reception that was held almost a month later at my parents in Minnesota - again my sister looked beautiful. My Mom is the hostess with the mostess so the flowers, the food, the candy bar were great! The candy bar is what it implies - my Mom had several jars of different candies and then little paper bags with April and Joe's names and wedding date on them and people could fill a bag or two of candy up to take home with them as favors. Oh and the other wonderful thing about the reception my other sister made cupcakes - red velvet, coconut and then one other that I am not remembering at the moment. All of them were so good.

As I said above I am just so grateful I was able to attend both. I am glad I was able to see my baby sister marry her love.

Community

Prompt: Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?


I discovered Tasty Kitchen, BlogFrog that has so many inspiring groups, Facebook has been a big part of my life this year - keeping in touch with family and friends but really I have been pretty quiet everywhere - offline and online.

I would like to be more involved with art communities to help with inspiration and just support.

Make

Prompt: What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I am working on an art journal type project that came from therapy actually. I am using a file folder that I rubbed paint all over it - inside and out in blues, purples and reds so it looks like a bruise (my therapist pointed that out to me as I didn't notice that at first - I just knew I wanted darker colors for it). And then I am doing a collage inside and out. Outside how others see me and inside how I feel and how I see myself. I have most the inside done and I asked friends to describe me in a few words so I can use those as inspiration for the outside. I also started a present for Michael for Christmas which of course I am not going to talk about here until after Christmas.

I want to finish Michael's present. I want to make some more gratitude journals. And then my list goes on and on. I have a notebook where I write all my ideas down and I have many that are waiting to be worked on.

One thing though I want get ready for the new year is an art inspiration jar. It will have slips of paper in it that say anything and everything from - gesso a canvas, prepare a few backgrounds on pages in an art journal, cut up magazines for collage materials, prepare tins, give 30 mins to a soul collage card, use the letter T for inspiration, use something you saw outside today as inspiration for your art journal and so on and so forth. I have pages and pages of ideas that I need to just print and cut. Also I am going to decorate a jar to put them in and when I am lacking focus or inspiration then at least I can pull something from the jar to at so that I give some time to art.

Let Go

Prompt: What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

My Uncle and a friend.

My Aunt and Uncle gave me the key when I was a young girl. I adored it right from the moment I took it out of the package. I love keys and it just was such a special gift to me. I wore it all the time. And then one day it got tucked away as I didn't want to lose it. Every so often over the years I take it out and look at it with fond memories. But it gets tucked away safely again. Well in my last move I couldn't find it. And shortly after my Uncle died, I went on a reorganizing my studio kick. I have an old jewelry box in here with jewelry I had been meaning to go through for some time - hoping to find some pieces to use in art. So while reorganizing I found my key in that jewelery box. I now have it hanging in my studio so I see it everyday and remember all the people I love.

Wonder

Prompt: How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I feel like so many of my answers to these questions are going to be downers. And I am not reflecting on them to have them echo into the next. I am reflecting on them to help remind myself that I need to make a conscious choice to do as the question suggests - cultivate wonder and also seek balance and create. To be more present in each moment of my life.

I do think one thing that always seems to cultivate wonder in me - here in Colorado - is our day trips. Although we didn't do as many as years past the ones we did...were awe inspiring.

Writing

Prompt: What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

I think I started a handwritten journal when I was in Junior High. I didn't write regularly until I was in my mid-twenties. In 2000, I started an online journal. I used to write in it and in a handwritten journal everyday but the last few years, I haven't written in either as much as I would like. And I miss it. I feel my mind is more cluttered because I don't write everyday. And when I do have something to write about, it seems to disappear when I finally get a moment to sit down to write.

I know that there are many things in my life I can eliminate to write but not only to write but to create art. And one thing I want to create/manifest is not only time to create art but I want to empty my mind from the clutter banging around that stops me from creating. And I believe writing will help me empty those things out.

That is one reason I really like the idea of Sunday Creative and the Creative Boot Camp. I really thought those would help me. Yet I find myself frozen in this state where all the little negative critics in my head have more space then the positive that allow me to move forward with all the creativity that flows through my head.

I want to create that for 2011.

One Word

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

The first word that came into my mind to encapsulate 2010 is PAIN. It has been an extremely hard and painful year. I don't think I want to go through all the things explaining, pondering everything that caused pain and struggles in 2010 but death played a big part of 2010. So maybe the better word is grief but combined with all the other struggles of 2010 - pain fits. Of course I recognize that there were many good points and highlights to 2010 too. And some of the consequences of those pains and struggles created some positive things. One of those positive things is I was able to visit my family quite a lot in 2010.

I have all the words of 2010 popping into my head. So I am going to list this year in words. Not explaining the words just listing words...

death - finances - stress - no focus - snow storm - curves - anger - lost - arguments - drama - tinnitus - old movies - Eat Pray Love - alone - sadness - tears - failure - masks - food - God - flood - fast - hopeless - travel - family - health - insomnia - devastation - cluttered - disorganized - therapy - depression - numb - emotional roller coaster - migraines - North Carolina - health - sister's wedding - Chloe Jo

So now what do I want my word for 2011 to be - again first word that came to my mind is BALANCE. I would love for my life to have more balance. I feel like I am tipped over and now I want to stand up and find balance in my life. I want to discover who I am and what I want. I am feeling very out of touch with myself. I want to ground myself and allow myself to be more present in each moment of the day. Be active in selecting my thoughts and feelings because I know what the moment is - really.

I am going to be manifesting BALANCE in my life for 2011.

Reverb 10

Well I stumbled upon this and I really want to do this as I want 2011 to look very different from 2010.....it is called Reverb 10.

From the website: "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10 - and the 31 prompts our authors have created for you - you'll have support on your journey."