Happy Memories Happy Dish

It is odd to me how just little things can bring up such strong memories. Several weeks ago Michael requested a dish that was named Happy Dish by a good friend of mine. She came to stay with me when I lived in Cleveland. I made it her first night there as I needed something that fed a several people and pasta was my answer. It is just a simple baked pasta dish - penne, ricotta, ground italian sausage, and store bought marina sauce but it made her feel happy when she ate it. So from then it was called Happy Dish.

When I was first with Michael, I made him the dish and told him the story. Recently Michael requested that I make Happy Dish and it immediately made me think of my friend. Good memories. Good times sitting at the table sharing - talking and laughing together.

Natalie Merchant

This is Natalie Merchant singing from her album, Leave Your Sleep. The lyrics are from 19th-century poetry.

I wish my memory was better. Because I know I saw 10,000 Maniacs when they opened with R.E.M but I would swear they were at Ranch Bowl in Omaha also. Seeing her dance is what brings up a faint memory. I remember my friend Shurie and I dancing and I have this memory of Natalie (or someone very similar dancing style) coming off the stage at Ranch Bowl and dancing. The stage at Ranch bowl was tiny so she needed to move. But when I look at the dates she was in Omaha - it only lists the one with R.E.M. So it must have been someone else. I know that I saw a lot of bands at the Ranch Bowl....many before they made it big and went on to the Civic years later.

Anyway...I love this performance she did at TED. It is very much Natalie's style and I just love it.

Tattered Photograph

It is an anniversary for me - 25 years today. A memory that is like a tattered photograph taken out looked at and never seems to fade. Often I wonder if I will hang on to it my whole life but at the same time I never want to let it go as it hold special place in my heart - always.

What Memories?

Someone on Facebook was talking about how she wanted to find the Vice Principal of our elementary school. I was thinking later that I don't remember any of my elementary teachers names except my 3rd grade teacher as she lived across the street from us and her family was friends with our family. But otherwise I don't remember any of my elementary. And I don't think I remember any junior high. And only a handful of high school teachers. I don't have a lot of memories that others seems to have and it bothers me. It just feels like chunks of my life are missing.

Memorial Day

With today being Memorial Day, it of course made me think of family and friends that have passed.

Today though I really thought of both my Grandpa's - my Mom's Dad and my Dad's Dad. Both of them passed away quite a long time ago but I miss them. I did think of good happy memories of my Grandpas. I thought of playing cards with my paternal Grandpa as a little girl. He taught me how to play many card games and it is something I enjoy to this day. I remember riding with my Grandpa to pick up my Grandma from work and sitting real close to him because I just always wanted to be near him as he was my hero. He brought me to get ice cream cones and always liked the same ice cream -- anything with nuts but usually butter pecan or black walnut. (photo of my Grandpa and I - 1968)





And I think of my maternal Grandpa working on the farm. I don't have as many memories of him because he died when I was fairly young - I think 6 years old. But I remember watching him work on the farm. I see him saying grace at the head of the table. And I remember the feel his overalls against my skin when he held me on his lap. He had that smell of farm...it was the smell of grass and earth. (photo of my Grandpa when he was in the Army)

So today I kept them in my thoughts as well as other family and friends. And remembered good memories associated with each of them.

This and That Catch Up

So I haven't been blogging, emailing or just being online much because I think I am ready for spring. The winter seasonal thing has been getting to me. I don't like spring allergies but I am looking forward to sunshine. I need it. I can tell it is the lack of sunshine that is affecting me because just the few days we have had (in between the rain and snow) makes me feel better. I also have had a wicked migraine cycle that I am ready to go away anytime. I am on day 5 of it.

I started going through some boxes in my studio closet this past week. Photos, cards/letters from high school and I also dug out my high school year books. I have been reading all the messages people wrote me in them. They are umm well amusing. One friend from high school wrote in every card/letter "don't flirt with the boys so much" - truthfully I don't remember flirting that much. I remember being terribly shy and awkward but I am friends with her on facebook and she insists I was a flirt.

I found a photo of the prom I went to my junior year with a senior boy. And horribly I couldn't remember two of the people in the photo. I know if I post it to Facebook I will get an answer quickly on who the couple is and then I will go "oh yeah." I think the boy went to our church. But the forgetfulness I have is not just ending there because there are quite a few messages in my yearbook that are about parties or events that I feel I should remember but I don't and also there are cards/letters from people that I don't remember at all. But reading them it is obvious we were pretty close. I had quite a few letters from a girl I worked at Brooks Fashions with but I can't picture her at all. She sent them to me my freshman year in college.

Anyway overall going through all the photos, cards/letters and is very amusing. You know the big drama that is high school.


Okay I admit it - I have a guilty pleasure right now - Twilight. I know many can't understand the draw to it. I think my thing for vampires just makes me like it. I have watched it about a million times. Michael thinks he might have to do an intervention.


BettyCrocker.com is now starting a club called The Mixer. It is going to have webcast classes, tips and techniques and ask an expert. And best yet it is FREE! Friends always ask me how I learned to cook. Although my Mom is a GREAT cook and I know I got things from her but I also learned from my Betty Crocker cookbook. It was easy to understand, gave glossary of terms so I could understand things in the recipe I might not have before and just has classic recipes that are great to start with when learning to cook. So I am anxious to see what they will do with The Mixer.

I would love to replace all our water bottles with these or these because I know they are BPA free. I love the colors of the Klean Kanteen.


I have been obsessed with MarthaStewart.com lately. Crafts, recipes, organizational tips, cleaning tips and so on. Anyway one thing I found was link to a sister site: Whole Living and it has great recipes and tips too. But thought I would at least share this link to some tips to do one thing each day to make it Earth Day everyday and help save the planet.

A celebration of us

I'm truly lucky.

This Sunday marks an anniversary for Darby and I as this date marks the first time we saw each other face to face in the eastern baggage claim at Denver International Airport. I remember standing by a support pillar seeing her for the first time and a very big smile came over my face.

"She's so incredibly beautiful," I thought to myself, glowing so brightly it must've caught her attention.

Our eyes met.

Somehow in that moment - I just knew. Somehow in that moment - I think she knew too.

Officially I started emailing her several months prior -- nervous as all get out -- not knowing if she'd ever respond or even have an interest. I'm rather insecure about why people like me - an unfortunate casualty deeply rooted from my awkward high school and college days. But here she stood before me, deeply interested and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.

I fell in love of the promise of her someday.

On February 1st, 2003 -- that promise came true for me.

I realize I haven't been the best relationship partner and I'll be the first to admit that I'm no where close to being perfect in any sense of the word, but I feel truly blessed to have Darby in my life and I'm forever grateful that she took that leap of faith moment to reply back to me and to make the journey to Colorado in early springtime. For it was this moment - in 2003 - that I knew I had something special and words still escape the feelings I have even to this day.

I love you very much Darby.
Love,
-M

(Old) Friends High School

I think most people always say they don't want to remember high school. And of course high school always has times I think most of don't want to remember -- embarrassed, awful growing experiences, zits, high school dating woos but I do have several people from high school I remember with a smile and good memories.

I have a profile on classmates.com but I don't have a "paid" account with them. I have had a few people leave me guestbook messages yet I can't read them because I don't have a paid account. There isn't enough of them or enough looks at my profile to really make classmates.com an investment. Yet I enjoy talking with people I knew from high school.

I had one friend figure out the code I left on my profile to find me - code because it doesn't let you leave links or email addresses in your profile. So I had to do "I have a website it is my first name plus the word art dot com." And I actually have had one person contact me. And she lives in Colorado -- which reminds me I want to email her again as I am wondering if she got my last email. I emailed her a while back but didn't hear back from her.

Facebook is nice to have because you can look for profiles from your schools too but so far I haven't really seen many from my high school join there.

(Photo -- one of my senior pictures. I graduated 1986. Yep just keeping it real by embarrassing myself with that photo.)

Memorial Day

With today being Memorial Day, it of course made me think of family and friends that have passed. It is normally a tradition to go and put flowers on the graves of those loved ones you have lost. But I haven't really ever been able to do that as I have lived so far away. I did give brief thought of what will happen - how will I fill when my parents pass and I can't visit their graves because I am so far away. It made me sad which is usual when I think of being so far from my family. But I really don't need to think about losing my parents anytime soon as they are both young. In fact it is my Mom's birthday tomorrow and she is very young for having a daughter who is 40.

Today though I really thought of both my Grandpa's - my Mom's Dad and my Dad's Dad. Both of them passed away quite a long time ago but I miss them. I did think of good happy memories of my Grandpas. I thought of playing cards with my paternal Grandpa as a little girl. He taught me how to play many card games and it is something I enjoy to this day. I remember riding with my Grandpa to pick up my Grandma from work and sitting real close to him because I just always wanted to be near him as he was my hero. He brought me to get ice cream cones and always liked the same ice cream -- anything with nuts but usually butter pecan or black walnut. (photo of my Grandpa and I - 1968)


And I think of my maternal Grandpa working on the farm. I don't have as many memories of him because he died when I was fairly young - I think 6 years old. But I remember watching him work on the farm. I see him saying grace at the head of the table. And I remember the feel his overalls against my skin when he held me on his lap. He had that smell of farm...it was the smell of grass and earth. (photo of my Grandpa when he was in the Army)

So today I kept them in my thoughts as well as other family and friends. And remembered good memories associated with each of them.

100 Things | Singing

11. I like to sing.

I have always liked to sing. As a little girl, I remember my Mom singing a lot so I am sure that had some influence over me as I loved hearing her sing. My Mom played the piano - so often my sisters and I would sing with her as she played. We had quite a few sing-along type book. Quite a lot of hits of the 70's - like the Carpenters or Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life. I remember sitting in the living room and flipping through the song books just to find a song to sing. No accompaniment just to sing acapella because I enjoyed singing.

My Grandparents had a pretty little garden in their back yard and we often used it as a staging area to put on "shows" for them....my sisters and cousins. Our Grandma often sang to us and taught us songs so often we used those songs in our "shows." When I was a very little girl, I was in singing contests -- I have a really clear memory of one in Bottineau, North Dakota(one of my favorite places we lived when I was growing up).

We moved when I was starting 5th grade to Omaha and I became shy. But I still was in the youth church choir. I did solos and duets. But then one time I was picked for a solo. I am up there ready to sing my solo. I was looking out at that crowd in the church and I felt this fear grow inside me. I was shaking and my palms were sweaty. I sang a few words and then stopped. Stopped...Stopping singing right there in the middle of my solo. I just stood there petrified. I developed stage fright over night it seemed. After that I stayed in a choir for a while but didn't do another solo. I couldn't get past the fear that I might do that again. I really didn't sing publicly that much longer. I still enjoyed singing just was too scared to sing publicly. I let that fear hold me back. When I didn't keep up with the singing of course the control and breathing started to slip. But I still enjoyed it even if I was more out of tune. Usually just singing by msyelf or to the radio.

I had a roommate when I lived in Cleveland that had a really good voice. She played the guitar and sang. One night she was playing in the dining room after dinner. I was cleaning up the dishes humming and singing along. She finally stopped and told me that I needed to sing louder. We were harmonizing really well together. It was a Stevie Nicks song and we just had lots of fun singing together. I think she reminded me how much I liked to sing.

Now Michael always says he knows I am feeling good when I sing. Michael and I like to sing on road trips too. Michael has a very good voice and we just have fun singing together. We sing to musicals -- RENT and Across the Universe are our current favorites to sing to.

I know my voice isn't as good as it was when I was younger. I just don't have the control over it like I once did but it doesn't stop me from singing and it won't. It makes cleaning, doing things around the house and road trips go faster and better. And it does make me feel good to sing.

(photo of one of our "shows" at my Grandparents -- I am in the yellow dress -- left to right -- my little sister April, my cousin Nikki, me and then my sister Michelle)

Dear Diary....

In July I picked up a box while visiting my parents. I looked through it a little bit when we got it home but really it has just sat in my studio. Well tonight I was making room in a closet and decided to just take a peek in it again.

Wow the stuff in it....

I found the cut out bow with my name on it that the RA in my dorm put on the dorm room door. I am not kidding...why on earth did I keep that? I also had a big folder of cut outs from magazines with Adam Ant, Duran Duran, Matt Dillon, Tommy Howell and lots of others too - some that I don't even recognize now. I have a ton of letters from a friend I had in Junior High that moved away. But was the most fun looking at was my diary from 1979 to 1982 so I was 12 when I started it and 15 when it ends. Now it isn't a daily diary it is here and there during that time. But it is so funny...like one entry I talk about how we got cable and all I said "I am excited we got cable." That was the whole entry. Then the next entry talks about I am not sure who I like and list 7 boys. But 4 days later I narrow it down to one.

(photo of the diary - what can't be seen is that I had keep out wrote on all the sides ink but the edges of the diary were gold so some of it is faded.)

Another amusing entry that I had to show Michael is the one that it says in HUGE letters..."I got my first kiss! YEAH! It was GREAT!" And then it has his name added too. You can tell that I added that later as I am sure I thought someday I might not remember who I kissed so added it to remember. Of course I remember.

My favorite parts of the diary are when I talk about Brian - who is someone I liked on and off from 7th grade all the way through high school. I "went with" him during Junior High for a month. Anyway in one of the entries quite a while before I "went with" him, I wrote about that a friend of mine liked him. And I say that I didn't understand why she liked him.

The entries of when we "went with" each other in Junior High are so sweet. I talk about the dance we went to before he asked me to "go with" him. He asked me to dance and we did 3 dances together. He held me really close. I talk about how tight his arms were around me and how he smelled so good. We then stopped and sat on the bleachers to talk with friends (Kerrie & Mark.) He then went somewhere but told me to stay where I was because he was coming back for me. When he came back we spent the rest of the dance together.

The next day I have entry talking about that I called him to ask him to go with a bunch of friends to pizza hut. He says no. But then a little later calls and tells me yes he will. I was so excited. I talk about how much fun we had even though he ended up being the only boy there as all the boys said no or maybe and then didn't show. Later, years later, we talked about going out in Jr. High and that group outing to pizza hut. He had wanted to go but didn't have any money. So he called a friend to see if he wanted to buy some Dungeons and Dragons stuff so that he could go be with me. I thought that was very sweet that he did that - just to be with me.

The Monday after the dance the entry was very odd. I was in class - a full class and the teacher in front of all the class asks me if I had fun at the dance. I just blushed and a boy said "yeah she danced with David all night" and then another boy Tad said, "no she didn't she danced with Brian all night." And the whole class cracks up except Brian and I. Later after class Tad teases me and Brian tells him to lay off. Isn't it weird the teacher did that? And I named the teacher in my entry but I don't remember him or the incident at all.

I really should throw most of the stuff in this box out but it really just hard to part with it and I am not sure why...well one reason is my memory at times sucks so reading the entries, letters and other odds-n-ends brought it back more easily. I know the diary is something though I will always hang on to even if I throw some of the other things in the box away.

100 Things | Pack Rat

7. I am a pack rat

I just have trouble throwing things out. Before I moved to Colorado, I had a couple moves in Ohio so I really went through things but I still have quite a bit. When I was in Ohio going through things, I was surprised by the things I came across such as quite a lot of of school work. I had papers from high school and college. I had the index cards that I used to quiz myself before art history tests. I had even research notes that were scribbled all over in no order that I could make out now so many years later. Why did I keep that stuff?

In July I picked up a box when visiting my parents and again it had stuff in it that I am so surprised I kept. I had letters from a friend that I barely remember now. It took me a lot to finally recall her and then I was upset I didn't remember her as we were really good friends. And reading through the letters it is quite evident. Also in the box were decorations that I hung in my dorm room. I had a few old diaries. And a box that I used to put special little treasures in (that only had a naked troll doll in it now). It was just amazing to look through all the stuff I kept.

I am also a pack rat when it comes to art supplies. I have so much ephemera in my studio that I know I can't use it all in my life time. But I keep it for a just in case I might need it. Granted I do go through stuff and mail out some stuff to artist friends at times but still not enough obviously by the looks of my studio. I just was cleaning it and trying to reorganize it and label all my containers so I could find things easier. And it really opened my eyes of how much "stuff" I have sitting in here.

Magazines are another thing that I hang on to forever. I finally went through quite a lot of them during spring cleaning this year. But I still have quite a bit in my studio but the magazine I had the bedroom and the living room were filtered down quite a lot. I ended up throwing out 2 heavy duty trash bags of magazines (they probably could have fit in one but I couldn't have lifted it to get it to the trash.) I went through and cut out recipes and things I thought I might use in art. So I still have a pile of stuff but instead of have stacks and stacks of magazines I have a fairly small pile of things tore out of the magazines.

Clothing and books are my other areas of being a pack rat. I am actually really good about giving clothing to good will if I haven't wore it for 2 years then it is given away. But I have an exception to this rule. When I lived in Cleveland I went to quite a few parties and dressed up. I have some really pretty dress up clothes that I just can't part with even though I don't get very many chances to wear them here in Grand Junction. Shoes is the other again I do get rid of them but the dressy shoes I do have a hard time donating. I have some red patent strap-y heels that I bought in Germany for like $6 dollars American and I can't let them go. Will I ever wear them again...well maybe. I can hope right?

Again before I moved to Colorado I got rid of a ton of books. When I lived in Topeka someone very close to me would go through books quick and she would give me paper sacks FULL of paperback books. And I hung on to my favorites. Because I am one to reread good books. But I finally just had to let some of them go. And I am at the moment regretting it as I have been wanting to reread the Earth Children series again as I never read the last book. I had all the books but the last. In one of my moves I gave them away. I am reading them through the library now but it would have been easier to of course just pull them off my book shelf and read them.

In the years, I have had a few times of regret of letting go of things. I gave so much away when I moved from Cleveland in with friends in a small town in Ohio. I gave away my fostoria china my Aunt gave me and I REGRET that so much. I actually thought I hung on to it but when I moved things to from Ohio to Colorado I couldn't find it. I also had some antique china that had wheat stocks on it that were in the same box as the fostoria so that is gone too. I had some really great fabrics that now living with Michael and having a home I can see a million uses for but of course when I was moving so much I knew I didn't have a use for it so got rid of it all. So maybe these are the reasons I hang on to things because I regret some things I did lose through my moves.

On thing I have to say I am a fairly organized packrat. Things are labeled and boxed neatly. Thank goodness!


(top picture of cookbooks something I have problems with letting go of and also I like collecting them. I get that from my Mom. I have 2 rows of cookbooks and recipes. The folders have recipes I have printed from the Internet. There are also all my cooking light magazines and those little Pillsbury recipe booklets that are at the supermarket check out -- 2nd picture from the top is a little coupon holder that I got at the dollar tree and it has little bits for art - quite a few stamps that I cut off of mail we get plus tea bags that I use for little pockets in altered art, 3rd picture is a stack of misc. paper - coffee filters that I dyed with tea, tea and coffee stained paper, mini paper sacks, the waffle paper from a coffee cup, gold paper from the inside of an invitation and so on and the last picture is just a little shelving unit that is in my studio with just a FEW of my book and see how those are overflowing on that unit the rest of our shelving units are really the same way - overflowing with books. Oh and yes that is a photo of my love of my life. It is one my favorite photos of him.)

Yes!

One of my favorite blogs wrote an incredibly beautiful post about the word yes several years ago. Before that post I had always liked the word yes for many of the reasons she stated but when I read what she wrote -- of course I paid attention to yes much more. This blogger was a school teacher and when grading papers if someone really wrote something that got to her as a human not just a teacher she wrote yes with an underline. Life has those moments you know...those moments when your soul shouts yes!

5 years ago I said yes in that way. I remember it so clearly. I feel the intensity of the moment. Michael and I locking eyes at the airport. It was a yes moment....Yes this is it. Ye he is the one. Yes this is right for the first time in my life. Yes...yes...yes!

This last 5 years has been so many moments of yes.

Yes to those moments of snuggled on the couch watching a movie and laughing at the same time or even being touched by the same line.

Yes to him helping and supporting me in so many dreams. And him allowing me to do the same for him.

Yes to the day trips that create wonderful laughter, conversation and just a sharing that I cherish.

Yes to the kisses, hugs and dancing for no reason but to touch each other.

Yes to the feeling so alive when we look at each other.

Yes to the faith in each other that is always steadfast.

Yes to the hard times for allowing us to see how far our relationship can go - together.

Yes to the creativity that we energize in each other.

Yes to our passion for this path we are on.

I could go on and on with yes moments. I am just very thankful for each and everyone of them. I am very thankful I have someone in my life that helps me create and see YES! Thank you Michael for the last 5 years....thank you for capturing my heart....I love you!

Happy Anniversary!

Today Darby and I celebrate our 5th year together. We were supposed to be out of town tonight, perhaps nestled away in our favorite locale in Santa Fe, or curled up in the snowy winterland of Ouray, Colorado. Unfortunately - as well intentioned we were, the fate of the cards were not in our favor this year. The business decided it was going to kick into over drive this week and we haven't had a chance to breathe much less recover from our already long-drawn-out colds.

But today February 1st - is a very special day for us. It marks the 5th year we've been together and still count every blessing I have that she's been apart of my life these 5 years.

Back in 2003, Darby flew out to see me and we met for the first time after having spent a few months online chit-chatting and doing the long distance phone thing. I knew from the moment I saw her at the baggage claim of Denver International Airport that something special was going on here. So ever since that first time we saw each other, we've been "celebrating" the first of every month since that day in February 2003.

We've had our rough spots, we've overcome a lot of adversity, and we believe in one another. I love her ever so dearly and I'm incredibly grateful that she puts up with me enough to where she wants to stay. We love and care about each other's family -- and thankfully our folks finally got the opportunity to meet this past October. And I don't know what I'd do without her.

I love you honey! Happy Anniversary!
Love Always,
-Michael

North Dakota

My Aunt sent me this link...ABC's Person of the Week...was North Dakota. Our family is from there so it was kind of nice to see it.

ABC's Person of the Week: North Dakota

Holiday Blues

I really get annoyed with myself though because although we had a VERY nice Thanksgiving I still got sad and down yesterday. I was missing time with family. I even thought of one particular Thanksgivings. As I said in my last post cooking Thanksgiving meal isn't my favorite for a crowd. I am always worried the turkey won't come out good. Why I worry about that...I am not sure as I have always had my turkey's turn out really good.

I remember the first Thanksgiving I hosted was when my parents, sisters and one of my Grandma's came...when I was married. I think actually it was our first Thanksgiving after moving into our house. I had at that point in my life never made a turkey so thankfully my Mom was right there to help walk me through it! Such as I was forgetting to pull the sack of giblets so she caught that! And she made the mashed potatoes because it took me years to master those...I always have had lumps. I finally can make mashed potatoes without lumps (well most of the time). But everything else I made turned out really good. I just remember being so intimidated because my Mom and my Grandma are amazing cooks. So here I am doing turkey dinner for the first time and they are my guests. Oh my the panic! I remember freaking out on before they got there in the morning - they had stayed in a hotel as our house had lots stairs and my Grandma couldn't take those. So it was just my sisters that stayed with us. I was told all would work out and of course it did.

I know I hosted Thanksgiving a few more times...once when my sisters couldn't get to Minnesota they came to our house at least Michelle did. I recalled some past Thanksgiving memories during my sadness although all the memories I recalled were good memories. It just made me a little nostalgic thus making me feel a little sad. But as I said it annoys me because I have so much to be thankful for plus I had such a nice day with Michael that I shouldn't have been sad at all. I just feel this year is going to be year of recalling old memories for me because of my mindset about being 40.

Well that is enough reminiscing for today. I need to work.

Deep Thoughts...Okay not really...

Sunday
I thought my day was going to go bad. Once a month my cooking skills go out the window. For brunch I burnt our turkey bacon and then the biscuits were more ummm blackish-brown on their bottoms then they should have been. Luckily Michael took care of the eggs or we wouldn't have had anything that was -right-. I forgot a few things that day too - like meds.

I did though get lots of work - coding websites templates - done. I really kicked ass on them actually. They look really good and I need to keep them in my portfolio because I might be able to modify them for another client. It really made me want to redo Michael's work website to though because I just was really in a groove -- so I jotted some notes down to redo his -- this will be version 3 now. I just redid his probably 6 months ago though. I need to start also working on a holiday banner for our blogspot.

Monday
Sunday night I think we went to bed close to 2am. And I read until 3:30 am and then got up fairly early so I was dragging ALL DAY. You would think that last night I would have slept soundly but I didn't. I didn't do a lot yesterday - some chores, laundry, a little graphic thing Michael needed me to do and that was about it.

Tuesday
It is only 12:45 and we have been really productive but just got home a bit ago. We left the house at 7:45am. I had to go get blood drawn. I have border line high blood pressure. Then I have white coat syndrome - meaning as soon as I set foot in the doctors office my blood pressure sky rockets. But because I am a big girl my doctor always worries it is just not white coat syndrome and that I have heart disease. So I get to go do blood test every so often for a lipid panel. It always come back in the acceptable range but I guess it is better to have her care enough to do it then not.

When we got there, I was freezing. I said to Michael I bet it will be a hard go on my vains today because I am so cold they all are shrunk up and hiding. He laughed and nodded his head like my girl is silly. I get back in the nurses chair and she is saying how busy it has been and everyone has been a hard stick. And I said you will probably have problems with me too. My doctor walked by as I was getting it done so came to see how it was going and both the nurse and I said not good. I said I am so cold this morning it is hard to get one to come up the surface. They both commented that my hands were ice. So I get to come back as she didn't want to stick m again...she only stuck me 2 times. Thursday morning I have to be back at 8:10am -- I told Michael that I probably should get up and get moving around more so that I warm up long before we leave the house. We woke up, showered and left so I know my body wasn't awake at all. Even my usual for sure place on my hand wouldn't pop up and that vain always springs right up with a few times of clenching/unclenching my hand.

Getting stuck this morning though reminded me of when I was getting married. I was having lots of asthma problems - in and out of the ER several times right before our wedding. I knew it was probably just stress of the wedding. Our honeymoon was going to be in Colorado...going to high altitude with the asthma problems - made me a tad bit worried. So I made an appointment with my doctor to maybe change my inhaler or do something to help me out while there. My appointment was 2 days before my wedding. And they wanted blood. The nurse stuck me once, twice, third time...I threw up. By the 6th time she knew I was on the verge of getting sick again she is trying to keep my mind off it by engaging me in conversation where I then tell her - I am getting married in 2 days. She went white and looked like she was going to get sick. She blurted out in a very worried tone.."omg does your dress have long sleeves?" Because after sticking me that many times I had bruises on both arms appearing before I even left. I told her yes it was long sleeves but after that she was so nervous she ended up sending me to the hospital lab...which they stuck me once - barely felt the needle go in. It actually was one of the best blood labs I have been too. Oh I guess the nurse in Cleveland too was good too but she had to stick more then once sometimes. But her attitude and energy were so great...she was funny and just so nice. She usually had me crying - not because of pain but from laughing so hard.

I guess back on track of daily report....so had the lab appointment this morning, then after we went to breakfast, target, grocery shopping, library and post office. I am starting to stock up on stuff to make Christmas goodies. Library didn't have the next in the Outlander series ready for me yet. Someone was suppose to return it on the 8th but well that hasn't happened. I never read The Golden Compass before either so I requested that one and there is not even a waiting list on it. I figured there might be since the movie will be out soon.

I need to do some laundry today and I need to finish some work.

Green Neon

A long time ago our neighbor a very nice older man lost his job. His life partner has all sorts of health problems so they really relied on his income. At the same time his car died. Well my car had been just sitting in the driveway and we were unsure of what we were going to do with it. It had problems and I didn't need a car so it just sat there. Our neighbor asked about it and told us about everything going on and basically asked if we would sell the car to him. Michael said lets us discuss it that evening and suggested that I give our neighbor the car. Yes you read that right give him the car. Michael thought that was a good idea - not only nice but considering the problems they might have with it - we just didn't feel right selling it to him. The car was paid off. It was about 140,000 miles on it. The bumpers were starting to rust through. And I felt the transmission was going to go soon plus it had a few other problems. I told him ALL THIS. He is handy with cars so when I offered to give it to him he was very touched. I told him he might not be once he figured out all the work he needed to do (he looked it over when he asked to buy it so really he knew all the problems.) But he was getting a free car so even if it didn't work he felt he still was on the winning end of that bargin. Well he never got it to work right. Today I was hearing all sorts of cars....I would hear them revving up, I just heard idling motor but thought it sounded like a truck. I was in the middle of something at that moment but soon took a peek. My car was gone. He had another car in the garage in its place that it looked like he was working on. I believe the motor of the truck was a tow truck taking my car away but I missed it by the time I peeked.

It felt a little weird...I mean he has had the car a while but I always saw it. So it didn't really feel like it was gone. That car has went through big changes in my life and it really fit me. I don't even like to drive but I liked my car. So I feel a little nostalgic about it. Even though in the end I know that it was better off giving it to him because he really needed it.

a box from my past

When at my parents, I picked up a box that my ex-husband sent to them years ago when he sold our house. It has been so very weird going through it. I am thankful for him sending it. The box has Grandmother Remember books that I gave both of my grandmother's. There were a ton of old letters and cards from when I was a little girl and teenager sent from friends. When I moved from North Dakota to Nebraska, I had forgotten the letters I did with my friends in North Dakota. Then there are a few letters where the name sounds familiar but I can't place a face at all or figure out how or why I know this person. But I have lots of letters from her. One thing I had been thinking about recently when we went through Omaha was a friend I had lost touch with long long ago. Anyway her married name was very long and difficult for me to spell so I could never remember it correctly to track her down but in the box there was her wedding invitation, announcement from the paper, program for her wedding and other little memorabilia several with her last name on it. So I did a search today and found an address so I am going to write her tomorrow.

Cleaning Day

While cleaning this morning it came back to me...the smell that will bring me back home to my childhood quicker then anything -- even baked good and that does bring me back as my family has a line of really wonderful cooks. But the smell that brings me back quickly....is vinegar. I clean with vinegar and as soon as I do a spray of vinegar water solution on a rag I go back to when I was little girl. My Mom cleaned with vinegar so it is a clean smell for me. It smells like spring cleaning. It smells like Saturday mornings. My Mom would clean on Saturdays because she worked during the week, so Saturdays were the cleaning days. I would wake up on Saturday mornings to the smell vinegar. My Mom would open the windows, have a stack of records on the stereos turntable playing all sorts of music from Anne Murry to Elvis to ELO....and floating through the house was the smell of vinegar and my Mom singing to the music. It is a good memory for me. And now when I clean I think of those mornings waking up to Mom cleaning.