The Snow it Melts the Soonest

I posted a Sting song on March 21st. I have been listening to him a lot lately. I am sure it is a combination of reasons - but one is that my Uncle really liked Sting. And we are coming upon the anniversary of his death. And so I have been thinking about him a lot. It is still some time away. But early last year is when we found out about his cancer and then end of March/beginning of April is when I traveled to Minnesota to see him for the last time. So lots of thoughts of him and missing him very much. Thinking of my Aunt and my cousin often in times like this as I can't imagine all the feelings they must be going through. So my thoughts and prayers are sent to them daily as I think of my Uncle too.

Gratitude Friday

I need to really do this as I found out the beginning of the week a friend of mine from Ohio died. So I have 2 people I am close to die within 10 days of each other. I am having a hard time dealing with the overwhelming feelings of grief.

So I am forcing myself to do this...and see...

I am thankful for...
1. Lemonade
2. Old movies and popcorn
3. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
4. Mickey Mouse mug to have a nice cup of tea in
5. Love from family and friends

Thinking of My Family

I am thinking of my family today - especially my Aunt and cousin. I wish I could be there but I will be sending love to them.

My Uncle John

It is said that the Eskimos have 32 different ways to say the word love....the feelings of love I have for my Uncle go well beyond those 32 different words. He was such a vibrant, loving man who meant the world to my family and I. I am very sad he is gone and miss him greatly.

The First Ornament on the Tree

Last Monday I put the tree up but we didn't get to decorate it really until this past Saturday. I unpacked the ornaments on Monday though. Michael and I were watching TV together while I unwrapped and unpacked ornaments from mounds of tissue. I wasn't really paying attention as I did...but I finally looked down...the ornament I had in my hand is very special to me. Tears welled up....the emotions spilled through me and I began to sob. I let it all out...the ornament is my dog's ornament that we got for her 1st Christmas.

She died this last spring. I hadn't seen her for years as she was with my ex-husband but she still was in my heart.

So when Michael and I were ready to decorate the tree on Saturday night, he handed me the ornament and said that it should be the first one on the tree this year. More tears shed of course. But she was the first on the tree.

Here is what I wrote the night I found out she died...

May 3, 2007

When I was married and my husband and I bought a cute little house in March 1994. It was 80 plus years old at that time and needed some work. But we were looking forward to making it "ours." My husband was a pet person. He grew up with dogs. And so when we got a house, I told him I thought we should get a dog. Now at that time, I was not really a pet person. I liked animals...but much like children...I didn't know how to interact with them. I am also a girly girl...licking, drool and such grossed me out. And so I wasn't over joyed with the prospect of getting a dog but loved my husband and knew his really missed having a dog so I wanted him to have one. After living in our house for just a couple months, I woke up one Saturday morning and said, "Let's go to the humane society today." He turned 8 years old and bounced up and down. Yes he really did....that was kind of his thing.

We walked through the first part of this humane society...and it was all the puppies. We didn't see anything really. Then as you moved in further it had older dogs. The part with the puppies also was a part that had like little doors so they could go in and out...so part of the kennel was outside and part inside. I was looking but really I felt it was going to be up to him and really we thought we would just look because it was good time to discuss what kind of dog would be good for us. But over all I knew since he was the dog person he was going to have to find a dog that he liked. There were a few older ones he really liked but they were pretty big and he wasn't sure our yard was big enough for such big dogs. So we were heading out...going past the puppy cages again...some had been out when we walked in and as we walked past...

I stopped.

There were 4 puppies in this kennel and they were playing and having so much fun. I stopped. And he had kept walking he noticed I wasn't with him. He then turned back and saw me bent down and eye level with the puppies.

One of the workers came over to me right away. She said, "Would you like to see one?" I said, "YES!" I told her which one and he at this point is looking at me puzzled but happy. The worker brought the puppy out to me....and handed it to me. I pulled the puppy close to me holding her. The little pup was shaking in my arms but she did a big lick all across my face and I started to giggle. We played with her and held her some more. He said, "I think you found our dog."

We did....she came home with us! Because we had not been prepared to bring home a dog....we really had just thought we will go look to start getting an idea of what would work for our house and such. So we didn't have a collar and leash and she was so tiny so I held her and as soon as the car started moving she peed all over me. Again I remind you I am the girly girl who doesn't really like to get dirty. But here was this little puppy that had stolen my heart and so she was my baby. He dropped us off at home and he ran out and got food, leash, toys and all that stuff.

I thought we were going to get a dog for my husband and we came away with a dog for both of us. She captured my heart. My husband traveled quite a bit so she became a good friend for me. There are so many stories I could write....I just loved her so much. She helped me through some dark times by making me get out of bed and making me take care of her. And am so thankful for for finding her and my heart just being captured by her. I have a picture of her that hangs above my desk as there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

I found out tonight from my ex-husband's Mom that my dog had to be put down. She had a brain tumor and causing her to have so many seizures she became totally unresponsive. She hasn't been in my life for many years but my heart aches as though it was just yesterday when I hugged her close and I will miss her.

Shared the same Birthday...

Online world...I have been online for over ten years. There are many things about my first internet experiences I wish I could change. They weren't very positive. But I am still thankful for the internet. Michael and I connected that way at first. Many other people I count as very good friends offline were first encountered online. Because of the internet I am able to share my art. And I am not sure I would have ever gotten up the courage to do that offline to galleries and just friends and family if I hadn't had this place first. So there have been some positives too.

I am also blessed to have the internet now after moving from Cleveland where I had big social circle and schedule to a smaller town where I don't - has been a hard thing for me. I love all the quality time Michael and I have but I do need friends and other types of relationships. So right now the internet has been that place where I can stay connected to friends from offline and far away and also with just people I have met online through blogs, forums, elist and such.

Someone I have known online died today. I had known her through various elists and such for quite a while...6 or 7 years but didn't know her well. She shared my birthday but actually 3 years younger. It was just shocking to refresh my daily reads and see her husband's announcement. It sounds like it was sudden - nothing as far as I knew was wrong health wise. Her husband hasn't posted how it happened. My thoughts are with her husband and family but I am just still a little shocked by the news. And I wasn't even close to her -- but... it still is very sad to know she isn't here anymore. My thoughts are with her friends and family...and her animals. She was an animal rescuer and had over 25 animals at her place....so I know they will miss her too.

Remembering Cali

I don't have words right now as I found out last night but I do want note of rememebrance...as I loved her so much. She captured my heart from the moment I picked her up. And I never will forget her.

the silver lining during a difficult time

It really has been a crazy couple of months. The end of April one of Michael's co-workers died. She was a vibrant young woman and it was a shock to us all. It really rallied his office together to help her parents and each other through the grief. Michael did a video for the memorial service. It was incredibly hard to do but also it helped us with the grieving process also. It came out wonderfully....celebrating her life. Because of it Michael really got a chance to show the community what he can do...so his co-worker was a guardian angel in a way to really help Michael realize his dreams and passion. We will miss her but at the same time are very truly blessed to have her give him his dream.

So since then we have had kind of a whirlwind of getting the business up and running. Michael has been getting paper work done and submitted and business cards together. I have been working on a calling card type website for now. And then we both will be working on a more flash intensive website to house his demos and really capture what he can do.

So just a little of where we are right now.