With or Without You

U2 is my favorite. I started listening to them in high school I think and they still are my favorite. I am lucky that I got to see them in concert 2 times. Once on my birthday. It was a very special birthday gift and it is a good memory for me.

Gratitude Friday

I am thankful for...
1. Michael being here for me when I am in such pain and having such a hard time.
2. good friends that send me notes and call just when I am needing to hear a cheerful voice
3. old voice mail messages from friends that I replay every so often that make me smile...so glad I kept them
4. books to help me get through this pain cycle
5. crayons and coloring books

Sinking

This month has been hard on me. Really hard.  I will be glad when August gets here.

The end of May my sciatica came back and it is just getting worse and worse.  To the point that this month - I can't stand or sit very long. Laying down seems to give me the most relief at this time, but still is very painful and have to readjust positions often.

Because I am in such pain, I am falling behind on things around the house and other things such as working on my website and doing art. But I have been reading like a mad-woman.  I am going through a book in a day or two.  My library requests aren't keeping up with me so in between waiting for them - I am rereading the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton.  I have most of them so keep pulling them off the shelf in between my library books.  I am almost to the point in the series where I stop liking the series.

I am also reading the Highlander series by Karen Marie Moning and going to reread her Fever series after the Highlander series. If you haven't read anything by Karen Marie Moning and like bodice ripper type books - read her.

Books are the only thing keeping me from drowning right now.  When I am in this kind of pain cycle, it starts to bring me down. My depression starts weighing on me and I feel myself sinking into it.  I get why. I understand it logically but trying to fight it has nothing to do with logic.  It has nothing to do with even seeing it happening - even though recognizing it is good so I can see I need to fight it. It is just hard and tiring.  Books though have become the only thing that keeps my mind from sinking into it.

So that is where things are at the moment. I just thought I would try to get a life update posted so that people didn't think I fell off the earth.

Ideas for Organizing Art Supplies

I really want to make some new organization/storage solutions for my office. Here are some things would be fun and useful.....

Source: alissafast.typepad.com via Darby on Pinterest

I want to make something like this...could get cake pans from the Dollar Tree. Just not sure on the candle sticks. Maybe check Big Lots for candles sticks.

Source: blog.craftzine.com via Darby on Pinterest

My can opener is one of those that takes the lip off and leaves a sharp edge. Maybe taping the edge so it covers the sharp edge. After taping, using paper around them to decorate.

Source: blog.craftzine.com via Darby on Pinterest

I know I have seen these at Dollar Tree too. So having a couple on my table with my favorite ribbons or twines in them.

Source: allsorts.typepad.com via Darby on Pinterest

I always see these at the Thrift Store and Habitat for Humanity. They always look grungy but sanding and painting would make it look a little more spiffy.

Source: creatingkeepsakesblog.com via Darby on Pinterest

This looks like a slack hanger but they don't open up so that ribbon could slide on so not sure if this specially made for ribbon - if so - good idea.

How to Save a Life

Gratitude Friday

I am thankful for...

1. snail mail from friends. I have received lots of it lately and it always makes me smile. I just reread a letter I got earlier in the summer from a friend and it made me cry again as her words were just so amazing. Really made me feel blessed for having such an amazing person in my life. 

2. Finding a site that offers free online classes from top Universities: Courseca

3. Outlander is going to be made into a TV show. We don't even watch that much tv as we don't have cable, but hopefully it will be released on DVD so I can get it through the library or netflix. 

4. Reading an amazing book about using green materials in art by Karen Michel

5. Chocolate.  

Love

“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other. It just mean you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Incubus Dreams

A Poem from Poet Tyler Knott Gregson

Just really beautiful words that capture the feeling of being home. I really like Tyler Knott Gregson's work.  Everything I read just touches me and says "yes" to the feelings and thoughts that go through me. Here is one I shared with Michael tonight that he enjoyed just as much as I did - gave us both that feeling of knowing the words.

Source: tylerknott.com via Darby on Pinterest

Mashup by Pomplamoose

Gratitude Friday

I thankful for...
1. safe trip to Denver
2. getting to spend tomorrow with a great couple
3. spending time with Michael's parents
4. water on a hot summer day
5. having good friends who listen to things I need to vent about and just share
6. Michael getting really good compliments about work he did - I am very proud of him

You Found Me

What was said and What I hear

I know that people sometimes say things that we can take wrong. But I feel most of the time it is our own internal negative messages that start playing and interpreting what was said in a totally different meaning. I still hear things that weren't actually said, but I know I have gotten better with it and shutting down negative processing because of Byron Katie's The Work.


I ask myself the 4 questions of  The Work....
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 
4. Who would you be without the thought?


I think when you first start doing the work, doing all the questions and the turnabout really help in rewiring those negative thoughts that come with what we hear verses what was actually said.  After doing this for a bit though, I can say to myself when the tapes start playing - Is it true?  And really with that I can shut them down. But before I always created loop holes and so those other questions and the turnabout were important to help me in processing.

Really people can mean something one way and say it another. So how we do take it can be accurate but really that is their problem - they have an issue then to work through so still by doing the work I ask if it is true and let it go.  

So either way The Work - works for me to help process my own negative tapes and acknowledge the present moment.

Strong

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As someone that lives with pain everyday, it gets hard to hang on and be strong all the time. So yes I know that feeling.  I know what is like to just keep having to hang on even though I putting so much into something. It is hard to hang on when feeling so tired and hurting so much.  I know that some days it is hard to think rinse and repeat this again tomorrow and the day after but not get any further - so tears come.

I Will Go Anywhere With You