Thursday, October 14, 2010

Nearing 43

When it nears my birthday, of course I become a little introspective. And this year is no different as it nears my 43 birthday, I have really been obsessing about it. I know I am not where I wanted to be at this age. It isn't that I don't love aspects of my life. I do of course - but there are other things that I thought I would have accomplished by now. But do I really want those things anymore? And I guess that is what I am still working on. I had someone ask me what I wanted to do recently and I know I just looked at them with a deer in the headlights look because honestly I am not sure I know right now.

I am going to be 43, you think I would know what I want to be doing, who I want to be but really I don't think I am even near to the point to see it clearly. And that bothers me so much. I am sure because of all the deaths that I had in my life this past year too - makes me worry more that I will never figure how to live my life.

I am thankful for all the wonderful things life has given me and thankful for many amazing things that have happened in my life. I am just wondering if this next year will be spent focused on where I want things to be in the next 5 years.

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